Greed And Money: Clean Jokes

A collection of financial transaction jokes, found here and there. Just trying to lighten up the mood. We could need a change of pace, or a different state of affairs, or make that a higher level of consciousness ;)

A very successful barrister parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a lorry passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The barrister immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 999, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the barrister started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the barrister finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you barristers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the barrister.

The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the lorry hit you."

"My God!" screamed the barrister. "Where's my Rolex?"

And - then there was this:

The rat-race explained

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"Well, then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siestas with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Next, John Bird and John Fortune on Silly Money satirising the absurdity of the financial crisis back in 2008 (How to go from "dodgy debts" to "structured investment vehicles" here).

Over a 150,000 views. "We have been stupidly greedy!"